This time of year seems impossible to be in a bad mood but lately I have been so disappointed with people in my life. I remember making certain transitions in my life, elementary school to middle school or middle school to high school, where I found myself losing touch with my once "Bff's". Becoming a wife and mother is also one of those transitions where I find that I no longer have much in common (if at all) with a lot of people in my life. I know that sounds so obnoxious, particularly because I remember giving a huge "eye roll" when people would say something similar, but it's so true. It hit me like a ton of bricks a few months back when I was out to lunch with a few girls and they spent a good 10 minutes talking about whose pool they were going to lay out at, and I just remember thinking "this is what their problems are? I am wondering if I have enough formula in my bag for another bottle and calculating the hours until it spoils so I can go grocery shopping and THIS is what they are talking about?! I'm at the wrong table." The moment was just as crude as when I walked into Charlotte Russe with a stroller two weeks ago and felt so out of place and old I FLEW out of there.
Becoming a mother is by far best thing that has ever happened to me. But right up there with positive emotions is loneliness, especially because I am a stay at home mom. I use to be a private nanny to a family for over a year (the children were ages 3,2 and newborn) and I remember always thinking "why would a mother who can obviously afford to stay home, rather be at work than raising her children?" and now I realize it was not that AT ALL. She was merely keeping from going insane, hah! I would do anything to have a little something for myself because most days I feel like I am reliving the movie "Groundhog Day." Every day the same...Yoga pants and sweat shirt, bottle#1, yogurt for breakfast, walk to park after nap #1, Yo gabba gabba, vegetables for lunch, check the mail...the same routine just about every single day which honestly makes going to the grocery store a vacation! I also thought because I was a nanny that I was soooooo prepared for motherhood. I knew what to do as far as feedings, diaper changing, schedules but there are two MAJOR things that separate motherhood from nannyhood: You don't get paid and you don't go home. No job or advice can ever prepare you for becoming a mommy.
I say all of this because I think it's important for everyone, especially friends of mothers, to understand how much mommies DO need friends, even if they don't realize or admit it. 90% of my "friends" nearly dropped off the face of the earth once I gave birth and that was from the people who stopped talking to me after I got married. I am not sure if they figure "oh she's busy now" or "she can't go, she has Amelia" but it is SO refreshing when visitors come over or calls. You give up so much of yourself emotionally and physically to become a mom and having to completely lose your social life seems like a harsh punishment, but it happens. If you have stay at home mommy friends, please make the effort to visit them, you will never know (until you know) how much your presence is a breath of fresh air!
This is totally seeming like a Debby Downer post so I will lift its spirits with my adorable dollface!
As miserable as I might sound, I think I am just having one of those days and am pretty much mourning a 12 year friendship because I finally realized we are in totally different places and we're holding onto a friendship that existed 6 years ago that just doesn't make sense today.
I am actually the happiest I have ever been thanks to this little toot. She makes my world go round, turns my frown upside down...the whole nine yards :)
I would like to thank Chelsea, Anna, Rebekah, Elizabeth and Amanda for truly caring about me and Amelia and being more than the "convenient" friend. And thank you mom for letting me vent 239472304 times a day and completely understanding because at my age, you already had a 5 and 3 year old and I will never understand how you did it. I love you all!!!
You are the best FRIEND and MOM in the world! I love how we talk about anything and everything and always know what's going on in each others lives. Your such a wonderful and beautiful person from the inside and out. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI have a three year old and five month old. I feel you, completely! The one thing I have come to realize since I"ve been at home is that a lot has dropped away and I feel like a fish out of water in a lot of situations I used to feel at home in. I never go out anymore or do the things I used to. It can be lonely and of course I giggle and weep at the groundhog day comment. So true.
ReplyDeleteBut another thing I've come to realize is that all mothers identify with one another no matter how different we are or what we do. That's a special bond -like we suddenly realize we're like sisters with all other Mamas out there. At least that's how I like to think of it. I've actually become better friends with some people now that I am a Mama.
It's the biggest transition I've ever faced. I still take it one day at a time. Heck one moment at a time. But all in all I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Let's hang sometime!