Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Invisible in the sky.

Brace yourself, this is about to be a very long, photoless blog post.

 I actually had a few things I was going to blog about tonight: my birthday dinner, a NTC I just made, my amazing new paper chandelier but instead I am going to blog about something that will get most peoples eyes rolling...Christianity.

Today a "friend" on facebook posted a quote that sat deep in my gut for HOURS before I commented.

“Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.” ~ George Carlin

This makes me so sad not only that someone said this but that someone liked it enough to share its ignorance. Why do non believers try so hard to convince people there is no God? Why do they put so much work, effort and passion into something they do not even believe in? 

I will be the FIRST to say that it is Christians who give Christians a bad name. They are on the news boycotting funerals, HATING gay people, controlling cults and persecuting non believers. I do not consider these people Christians at all. The God I believe in calls us to love one another...not love one another unless they are gay. The "Jesus hates...." signs are such an oxymoron- do they not see they are belittling every single thing that Jesus stood for? 

Typically, I like to show who God is through my actions and keep my words to a minimum. When I do get into a conversation with someone asking me to "prove it" I simply tell them this: 

The worst that can happen when I die is....nothing. Nothing at all. I live my life loving others, having morals and believing that one day I will have to be accountable for my actions and live (if for nothing at all) a meaningful life- that is my worst case scenario. The best case scenario is eternal life in Heaven, a place I choose to believe exists. There are many things in my religion that I can't explain and I find comfort in never knowing the answers, after all- that is what faith is. Faith is believing without seeing. A non believers BEST case scenario is unfortunately....nothing. 

Their best bet is my worst because they are hoping that at the very end of this short little life that nothing will happen, we die. And although death is inevitable the difference between me and them is that I am truly not afraid to die. Someone once saw my pictures in the hospital before giving birth via c-section and they said "How were you so calm?!" and it was because I truly was not scared in the least bit. If I am good at anything it is putting everything in God's hands and not worrying- I know he will always provide for me and he has my entire life. I often wonder why others don't believe and sometimes I truly think it is because they do not want to be held accountable for their actions. They don't want to have "someone" billowing around them causing them guilt. Maybe they don't want to trust in the Lord, they want to control their own life and give themselves praise for their hard work- yet they are always the first to blame God - the person they do not even believe exists- for sickness, sorrow and loss. 

The story I am about to tell you is not one that I have told many (I will try to nutshell it, I promise!). I get extremely emotional even thinking about it and for years I was embarrassed to talk about it, but it was truly a pivotal point in my path with Christ. I was 13 years old and had just finished with 8th grade. We were moving to a new town, Lexington TX where I would not only be the new girl, but be the new girl in a class of less than 60 people. I was with my best friend Amanda and we were in my moms bathroom and I was blow drying her hair...she made a joke and I started laughing hysterically and it took me a few moments to notice but I could feel my face not functioning. Once I looked in the mirror I knew something was wrong...half my face was literally not moving. I flew down the stairs hysterical and my mom noticed right away. The left side of my face was paralyzed. I couldn't blink, my lips wouldn't move, my eye brown wouldn't raise....not even my nostril would flair. We called my doctor immediately. He took one look at me and said "No doubt, this is Belles Palsy." Belles Palsy is a muscle disorder ranging from weakness to paralysis in the facial muscles that has no explanation, and unfortunately no cure. My doctor called tried to make some calls to get me into a neurologist, but it would be a few days before I could even get an MRI. Once I had testing done, I saw a doctor a few days after that.
He told me exactly what I didn't want to hear. Not only did I have Belles Palsy but I was the worst case he had seen in a minor and I went on to be the worst case reported in the state of TX for a minor (as most affected are much older). After explaining that he didn't think that I would see any improvement at all for at least 6 months to a year he asked me if I wanted to start a steroid treatment...he said that you are suppose to start treatment within 24 hours of seeing signs but he would do it anyways. We agreed and while he was writing up my prescription, my mom and I are bawling (and I mean BAWLING). My mom looked at him in desperation and asked "is there anything else we can do?" and he answered..."Pray." 
That very day we left the appointment and went straight to Walgreens to get the prescription filled and we were sitting in the parking lot, again- bawling. I remember being more upset that I had to wear my glasses and not contacts above anything else "You don't understand what its like mom! I am about to go to a new school and I can't even smile!" A homeless woman walked up to my moms window. My mom rolled her window down and tried to shew her off. "My name is Connie....can you please just lend me some change, I need to use the pay phone to call my friend who is going to pick me up to take me to church." My mom started to scramble in her console to find change and she reached her arm in our car and grabbed our hands. She said she knew what was wrong with me and that I would be okay. She told my mom that her husband loved her very much and everything was going to be alright  (my parents were going through a rough patch).  She asked if she could say a prayer and we didn't even hesitate. The odd thing was is that we were holding hands with this filthy, toothless homeless woman and we didn't even ask questions. She said the most amazing prayer for me. She knew my name. She knew exactly what was going on with my face. She talked to God like he was her best friend and I think it is the only prayer I kept my eyes closed the entire time. She kissed our hands and went on her way with her change to use the pay phone. When we got out of the car, my mom went to go find her and she was gone. Call me crazy but there is no doubt in my mind I met an angel that day, not a single doubt. Two weeks later my face was completely back to normal. 

This is just one story of many that I have felt God physically walk by my side. It may or may not have anything to do with the quote I talked about earlier but I felt the need to defend a God that I have zero shame in standing up for. You can take him out of our school systems, you can take him off the dollar bill, you can try your damnedest to convince me that he does not exist, but you will never be able to take him out of my heart. 

Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"


Nina Tank


  1. so beautifully written and so true... i will never forget that day.
    Thank you for sharing Nina..I love you so much. mom

  2. Nina I couldn't agree with you more. Christians are the ones who give Christians a bad name and it SUCKS! It sucks to try to stand up for what you believe in when there are so many "Christians" who are letting the devil work inside their souls. Jon and I struggle with this a LOT, especially since most of our close friends do not share our faith. It also saddens me that someone posted that on your wall, it makes me want to scream "HE IS REAL!". I like that quote from one of the Nicholas Sparks movies, love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it. And that is how my Father is.

    PS I tried to respond to your comment about your sponsor child but your email wasn't linked to it!

  3. This gave me goosebumps. To us who believe, it is so obvious that God is real, and lives within us and all around us. But, that is why God gave us the choice to believe or not. He wants us to love him and choose him freely, not by force. There will always be non-believers, as there have been since the beginning of time, it is our job to continue to love and worship our God, regardless of others reactions and beliefs. We know he is real. We can only pray for those that don't believe, I can't imagine living in a world without our Father.